Ending Some Things...

We had our very last dance competition in Malad yesterday. It's bitter sweet to see this ending, but my mom and I were talking about it on the ride home and we know that it's time to stop now. But I am sad for those parents and kids that have to decide to conform to what is "norm" in the dancing world. The costumes, music and dance moves are becoming more and more mature and we were almost that little podunk studio that covered a specific niche for those people that felt the same way we did. I have been thinking alot about this since Libby is getting to that age where I want her to start dance if she wants to, but I don't want her to feel like she's giving up something just to have to participate. I guess I'm just old fashioned, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I like the feeling that I can have control over what my child particpates and doesn't to an extent. I've seen too many girls who have given up something just to fit in and dance somewhere that's "popular". I hope that there are more people who feel like I do and not the other way.

Been Awhile...

We're doing awesome and I can't believe Nate is almost graduated. He'll technically be done next week with all his papers and then I think he has one final during finals week he has to take. I love that guy and all his hard work for us!!!

I Just Read Another Blog...

and it totally spoke to me. There are days when I just want to throw my child in the street and let her survive and see how she does. Yesterday I was awoken, because Nate is sooo awesome to get up with Libby and let me sleep in during pregnancy months, to a crash and breaking glass of one of our bowls. I realize that Libby is done with her breakfast and instead of telling us she's done, she decides to show us with physical force. Well after wetting my bed and then having Nate clean up the mess, I was composed and calm. Then fast forward 8 hours and she's in my sister in law Emily's room and I find her playing with nail polish, on herself and the carpet. Ok, so that one did not go over well with me and I flew off the handle a little bit and wanted to inflict some pain on the little child that I knew I loved deep down inside, but was hard to love right then. Now to today, she decides that not getting enough yelling and finger-pointing and no-noing from mom was enough, she decides that this morning she's gonna throw that bowl and shatter another one again!!!! I decide that we need some major time apart, I mean half an hour in her crib and away from me while I fume and not do what I have previously mentioned, you know about the street and surviving. I can tell you that motherhood is amazing and I love it, somedays I wonder if it's worth my blood-pressure being so high, but I am amazed at this little person who loves me no matter how much finger pointing and yelling I do at her. I wish I was better, but I know that screwing up and yelling and wanting to inflict pain, not really inflicting pain but wanting, is ok. I have finally let myself know that it's ok to be human. I work to becoming Mother Teresa, but I'm not and really don't want to be anyway, she sounds boring!! Kidding about that last statement. I hope this helps someone else today, because I want to thank Kimber for posting what she had to say.